Becoming a parent is a tough role to fulfill. There isn't anyone there to show you how to become a parent. No one to give you a child manual at the hospital when you give birth or instantly become a parent, trust me I asked for one and the nurse laughed in my face. I said "I got a manual for my car but, not for a baby"? She politely leaned over and said, "She needed a good laugh". Seriously, I successfully finished college in education. All the classes I took helped me become a well rounded teacher. However never did I think I would be challenged by parents questioning me as to say "I wouldn't understand, I am not a parent?" That repeated line was repeated to me over five years as a teacher. For five years I taught children all the basic skills, plus the "added bonus" of giving parents advice on how to help their child at home and the minute I suggested taking something away from their child to help them make the grade or correct defiant behavior I was asked "Do you have children?" "No" I would say, "Well then you don't understand because you aren't a parent! I can't do that". Okay fine, so as the years went on, I would constantly listen to parents complain about how their child wouldn't pay attention, were careless, or doing things on purpose just to annoy them. Meanwhile, students in my class would tell me how their parents NEVER pay attention or NEVER spend time with them. So by this time I just stayed quiet because I didn't want to be told again, "I wouldn't understand because I don't have children" remark.

Year five rolls around and by October BAM!! POOF!! I am with child. My son is born on a Tuesday, fast forward to today he is now three years old and I am a stay at home mom. I am very lucky that I do have an education degree along with teaching experiences because I already knew all the goofy songs and dances plus tons of books to immediately begin reading to my son. I decide that my son is ready to start preschool, I thought its now or never. He begins school and as with most children at any age the first two weeks are generally called the honeymoon phase by teachers. What this means is that you generally don't see the true colors of the children until after the first two weeks. So his teachers tell me he is doing well and getting along with others, which of course being a new momma and a teacher is the extra olive in a martini!! I was just so proud, however that quickly was short lived because I remembered the honeymoon phase. I thought okay one more week and we are in the clear. Well then week three Monday comes our way, I pick him up and the teachers hit me with he is not staying in centers, he is talking back saying no every fifteen minutes and unwilling to stay in his seat during lunch or activities. I take it all in, walk the hall of shame back to my car, and I think, think, think. I run some ideas by my husband as to how to get him to stay in his chair, and I was told "that's not gonna work, he won't do it, it's just too hard for him". For me that was just unacceptable. Yes, I understand the boy is three that is a given, I get it. What I couldn't accept was my son being disruptive and disrespectful to his teachers. My husband looks over at me and simply had to say, "Hey that is how I was in school". Those simple words put me in, I don't think so mode.

As my son took his nap, I paced around the house, went though his playroom and found his favorite toys. Our son has a collection of cars from the movie Cars that he plays with on a daily basis. My mind went back five years ago remembering what numerous parents told me when I suggested to take the video games away if their child didn't want to do his homework or study. The parent would said, "I can't do that he loves his video games...are you a parent?" "No" I said. "Okay then you wouldn't understand you are aren't a parent" At that instant I knew what I had to do. Take his favorite toys and movie he loves to watch everyday. Lighting McQueen, Doc Hudson, Chicks Hicks, and the movie Toy Story was to be held up on the fireplace mantle until his behavior was better at school. My son woke up from his nap on Friday afternoon, he walked into the family room and saw his favorites way up high and couldn't reach them. I sat him down on the floor explained to him why his friends were way up there and that he was not to have them for the whole weekend until his teachers told me he was acting much better. Boy, was he ever mad! He cried, threw his tantrums, but I stayed strong. I thought in order for him to understand I would have to correct this behavior now. So all weekend, he gazed up at his toys and constantly asked me for them. I simply told him, "When you behave at school with your teachers and you are nice and respectful, then you can have your toys back". I walked away or used my power of distraction . That weekend must have been the longest weekend EVER!

Monday rolls around and as we drive to school and walk through the halls I go over his behavior and what I wanted him to do. I pick him up and ask his teachers how was his day, they say, "He was better at centers but, he still kept telling us no when we asked him to do something". I said, "Okay thank you". My son knows me very well and saw my look of disappointment. He repeatedly said, "Momma buzz, momma cars". I said, "We'll talk about it at home". He knows the answer because all the way home he kept asking, asking and asking! We get home and I him tell again, "I told you when you listen to your teachers and you stop saying no then you can have your toys and movie back". Of course he cried and more tantrums, Wednesday comes around and back to school we go. Again I pick him up and ask the dreaded question again, "Was Diego good today"? Diego stands there looking up at the teacher, clutching my hand. His teacher stands there with a twinkle in her eye and says, "YES"! He was so good, MUCH,MUCH,MUCH better! He didn't say no at all". Diego jumps up and down, so happy and hugs me and starts yelling, "Momma, momma cars, buzz!!!" I proudly look over at him and say, "Yes baby, you did it! I knew you could do it, yes you can have cars and buzz"!!! He was so happy.

We get home and he runs over to the mantle and reaches up to his toys and movie. I hand them to him. As I do I say, "Okay so now you know if you aren't nice or if you are disrespectful to your teacher I will take your toys away, okay". He quickly says," Nice, momma, nice". He happily begins playing.

After this experience, I understand yes it is difficult to stand your ground as a parent but it was so rewarding at the end. My son understood he had to earn it. Since that day, we haven't had a bad day at school. I remind him of what will happen again. I think back to the parents that told me they couldn't do that to their child because they didn't want to hurt their feelings. No, it wasn't that it is because it is easier to give in and just think oh they will come around. Or maybe it is too uncomfortable but, I see now that it teaches children at any age to be accountable for their actions. I have encountered many parents that want to be friends with their kids by letting them have whatever they want but, what I have seen in the classroom and in my home is that children can have and make their own friends but what they really need is a parent to guide them.

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